Standing within the superficial crowd, i feel empty. I feel like escaping town. And just find a small place to settle down. perhaps not get married. Perhaps just sitting around in a beach. Finding the silence from within. Seeping a cup of coffee/tea. Admiring God's creation.
Friends maybe all around me. But those who really care? I guess its hard to find. All of a sudden, i feel like crying to melly or dany or liping or my cousins. They understand me. Melly and dany have been since young. They make my presence felt.
In an association, i feel invisible. No one actually makes me feel part of it. I just feel like digging a hole. And just stay there.
Some people just treat me like i'm invisible. When i talk, they don't reply me. Or when i ask them things, i don't get any reply. Hostile. It feels as if my presence is nothing.
In a class of multiple, i can't see many who truely care. Asking why ain't helping. Some are just there. I can't possibly turn to them. I don't know who to trust. There are some i trust. But sometimes, things just don't get through. perhaps talking to my church mates will make me feel better. But i feel heavily burdened in church due to the serving. I'm always worried. My parents are always around me. I don't feel free. I feel locked. In a time capsule. Time seems to pass very slowly. looking at the clock makes me feel worse.
Its too early to fly away from my cage. But i'm dying to. The grass is always greener on the other side of the world.
People come and go. I hate dragging on. Its hard. But i'll push on. With god's help, i believe i can do it. Only God makes me feel wanted.
During school, people hover around me. But at the end of the day, i feel lonely. hardly anyone to turn to. Some make me feel used.
Within the family, i can't tell anyone. Maybe mom. But she can't be there all the time. My brother would only scold me for being stupid. he never makes me feel loved or cherished. All he makes me feel is stupid, unwanted and hated for.

Its really no point showing last minute concerns.